The Quintessential or Schoolroom Dart
One sheet of A4 paper. Fold in half
lengthways. Fold the two top corners to the centre line. Fold, in turn,
the two outer corners thus created to the centre line. Fold the whole object
thus created in half along the centre line. Fold the two remaining highest
points back to the base line and then smooth them up to make wings.
The Lancashire Destroyer
The paper, should, ideally, be lined.
Follow instructions for the Schoolroom Dart. Fold the nose inwards
half an inch. Now for the hard bit: one inch from the tail make two vertical
tears parallel to the base line and fold this flap inwards and upwards
so as to protrude above the wings.
Applications: classically, the protruding aerofoil should be set on fire (a lighter in the school blazer pocket) and launched across the lab in a North Lancashire comprehensive after dark. So we hear.
The Kensington Dipper
Materials are everything, everything.
The Kensington Dipper may be constructed from any of the following:
marbled paper, Italian block printed paper, coloured foil, Chinese joss
paper. Follow instructions for the Schoolroom Dart, but gently curve
the outer edges of the wings upwards.
Applications: to be launched very
gently across the sculpture court of the V&A when nobody is looking.
Note: if loaded with a grain of
smouldering Gardenia incense, this instrument of aggression becomes The
Farm Street Frightener.
The Wandsworth Warrior
The standard procedure is followed,
but with heavy A3 paper, and with small upward folds in the corner of the
wings.
Note: better at diving than
the real boy wonder, Michael Owen.
The Neo-Spartan Javelin
Ideally the paper should be a superfluous
A4 Xerox reduction of a Piranesi engraving of an obelisk. Follow
basic procedure as above as far as the second fold and then repeat the
inward fold as often as is practical. Then fold the item in half and form
slender wings as above.
Applications might include: inducing
persecution mania in one's superiors; an instrument for causing pain to
those in sore need of an ocular reminder of their mortality; general incitement.
Note: to be launched from deep cover
no more than four metres from the nearest anthemion ornament.